The Scarf – Part 5

August 4th, 2007 § 7 comments § permalink

He stepped out of the auto-rickshaw, and paid the driver in a hurry.

“I don’t have change!”

“Keep the friggin’ change!!”

“Hey thanks! You might smell funny, but you have a golden heart!”

The funny smelling guy made his way to the café entrance and was about to step in when the importance of the auto-rickshaw driver’s remark hit home.

******

It had been a really bad day.

The first thing he did every morning was wake up on the right side. Today, it had been the left. And then as he was brushing his teeth, she had called.

He really should have ignored that call.

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The Scarf: Part 4 – A continued breather…

July 4th, 2007 § 28 comments § permalink

Contd. from The Scarf: Part 3 – A Breather.

To preserve your sanity, I recommend you read none of these posts. If you do want to go to the depths of stark raving madness, click on the link or continue…

—–

What then, does happen to the passengers on the train?

Well, complying with the fundamental principles of Quantum Mechanics, the passengers may or may not switch trains while these ghost trains pass through each other .

(I believe another pint ot two of the golden brew might help at this point.)

Depending on whether the passengers do switch trains, (or refuse to do so) the collapsing of the universes may or maynot happen.

Notice the plural usage of the term ‘universe.’ I chose the plural since we have already established that the universes we are talking about are decidedly individual, It’s the thing in vogue, don’t you know?

So, as we were saying this collapsing of universes depends on whether you decide to switch trains ( No, not you r daily eight fifteens and nine-twenties. I mean, the ghost trains we are talking about!) Of course, if you try the switching-trains act with your daily eight-fifteen and nine-twenties, you’ll only end up being a candidate for the padded cell or a specimen for the students of medicine, one way or the other…

Yes, I do tend to confuse my parentheses…

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The Scarf – Part 3: A breather

July 1st, 2007 § 12 comments § permalink

Well, this one was actually titled “Random Ramblings about Collapsing Universes.”

But I guess it fits the current storyline much more. So, here goes…

—–

Everytime the universe collapses, there is a high chance that you, my dear reader, are the principal cause.

Before you get your knickers into a twist, allow me to offer an explanation.

The collapsing of the universe happens too frequently, too often for anyone to notice. And it usually does that without the slightest preliminary notice that we all think it should serve.

Obviously, not everybody (or should i say everything?) follows the man-made precept of following rules laid down by other men.

Which in itself would be a great contradiction, because we can’t set rules for something (or someone) that set the rules for us in the first place.

Aah, I see that I am beginning to ramble. So I will very prudently get back to the thing I was attempting to explain.

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A word from our sponsors… (Part 2)

June 27th, 2007 § 5 comments § permalink

Well, the show started…

And that’s an unintended pun. :P

The phone calls started flowing in and I tried to answer as many calls as possible, but I did eventually lose out on a lot of them.

Then the sales team entered, with Vikram at the helm.

They brought me out into the conference room, where a cake had been set up, oops sorry, a huge chocolate cake, with lots of icing, cherries, the works…

I already had a hunch where some of it would end up.

I attempted a small thank-you speech, but failed miserable. I was too dazed to attempt anything. And so, I turned my attention towards the cake…

The knife sliced through, and with one wary hand to stop (or at least pause him from transferring the cake from its rightful position on the table to a new location, viz., my face) But his hand seemed to have a mind of its own…

After I had fed the cake to my Prog Head Kanchan, I turned to find the cake in my face.

Not all of it, just a huge chunk of it.

It tasted yum :)

And smelt yum, too! Heh heh.
(Some of it slid down my nostrils. Hence the statement)

Revenge!! I ran after my Prog Head and Producer, to ‘hug’ them. Diabolical of me, no? Heh heh.

The rest of the day was mostly a barrage of phone calls, well wishers, and so forth. A listener actually came to the studio with another cake. I was almost over-whelmed.

Rosh, Kanchan, Shubhra, Smita, all the jocks, my alter-ego Romesh (who is actually looking over my shoulder as I type this – yeah, I am doing it to placate him…) this has been the best budday I have had till date!! Thanks a ton!!

All the thanks in the world wouldn’t express how much I actually mean them…

A silver jubilee year, with such a golden start. What more could I have asked for!! :)

Oh and almost forgot. Here’s the link to those fotus…

HAPPY BUDDAY TO ME!!

A word from our sponsors…

June 18th, 2007 § 21 comments § permalink

Date: 14th June

Time: All day event

PROLOGUE:
———–

After a barrage of phone calls from all those near and dear, I fnally managed to pick up my sorry ass, off the bed and take a shower. (To all those with the skeptical look: Yes indeed, I DID take a shower…)

I reached the office, and was promptly called in by Sameer (VP & Station Director, Radio Mirchi Pune) with a serious expression on his face. My Prog Head, Kanchan and all the other jocks were present there as well.

I sensed something was amiss. Sameer broke the silence.

“What is this guys? Where’s the quotient?”

“But Sameer – ”

“No ifs and buts!! This is not done! You’ve been told a thousand times, maybe more than that! And if you still can’t maintain the quotient, well, there’s something really wrong somewhere…”

Then he turned his guns on me…

“Shrikant, you especially, have had a bad quotient. You really need to work on it!”

What a start to the day. 24 revolutions around the sun, and the 25th has to begin like this. I was trying to check and verify the validity of his statements, when –

I did not see Kanchan tripping.

I did not see the rest of the jock team, attempting to hide their grins.

I did not see Sameer ‘trying’ to maintain a stoic face as he said this.

I did not see everybody trying hard to suppress the laughter that had bubbled up.

And then it burst forth.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

I was picked, kicked, congratulated, hugged, shoved, tickled, and all the jazz and razmatazz. :D

What a way to start my 25th birthday. Heh heh.

I wasn’t complaining. No way!

CHAPTER 1
———–

Roshan (my Producer, sweet woman :) ) and I planned the show for the day. It was World Blood Donation/Donors day, I interviewed a pan-shop vendor who had donated his blood 170+ times, the show was set.

With my writing pad in tow, I entered the studio, and got set for my show…

4:50 PM:
RJ Maanasi, the Total Filmy Jock, signs out…

4:56 PM
I set up my Sound effects and the songs to play, and get ready…

4:59 PM
The program credits begin…

5:00 PM
Before I begin to describe what happened, a brief introduction is required here:

I begin all my shows with a standard opening line:
“Punekar Mirchiwaale, zara ghadyaale kade laksha dya, paach waajun gelet kaay!”
[Read: "Punekar Mirchiwaale, do look at your watches, it's 5 PM, it's show time!"]

After this I usually launch into the topic of the day, describe it a wee bit, and ask the listeners a question. The show I host, is a games show called Bumper2Bumper. It has lots of contests and loads of fun-filled moments.

So I began,

“Punekar Mirchiwaale, – ”

That’s as far as I got.

After I had spoken those two words, the entire Programming team at Radio Mirchi Pune, barged into the studio, screaming, yelling, and basically making as much noise as they could.

And then, the entire city of Pune knew that it was my birthday.

To say that I was shocked or surprised is an understatement. I was dumbstruck, speechless, ecstatic, words-had-left-me, grinning-like-mad, euphoric, shaking, you name it.

Kanchan, Roshan, Safia, Shubhra, Mirchiman Aniruddha, Khubsoorat Smita, Aditi of Purani Jeans, Dr. Love, Neha, Maanasi, almost everybody was in the studio and wishing me…

That’s about all of it that I can remember, apart from being dazed.

After wishing me on air, the guys left and I began the show a little unsteady from the high that I had just recieved.

And then, the phone lines began ringing…

This was going to be one pleasantly long day.

“Hello, Radio Mirchi…”

(To be continued.)

A sneak peek at part 2:
Enter – the Sales team – a huge chocolate cake – a complete mess – funny pics – and a whale of a time…

The Scarf – Part 2

May 23rd, 2007 § 14 comments § permalink

They say that you are supposed to look where you are going.

Obviously, he wasn’t around when they said that.

The collision was inevitable. She was engrossed in her thoughts, and he was trying to solve a differential calculus problem. The problem stayed where it was. He ended up as the denominator, and she, the numerator(1).

They soon regained their primate postures(2) and stood facing each other, uncomfortably. But one glance at the floor saved them from any uncomfortable exchanges.

The contents of her purse had spilled out, like in the movies and she hastily began to stuff them in.

It is indeed, a matter of awe to watch a woman put away her stuff back into her handbag.

First, the bundle of tissues (unused) went in. Then came the mini-make up kit, consisting of the compact foundation box, the corresponding brushes, a few mascara and kaajal sticks and a folding mirror (small). The face-wash tube and lip-stick tubes went in next. And finally, her wallet, which seemed to be bulging at the seams was stuffed inside.

The entire process would have been easier, had the hand bag been a little larger.

The said culprit of a hand-bag was slightly larger than her palm.

A matter of awe, indeed.

He resumed the differential calculus problem that had been so rudely interrupted and made his way to his regular table. He was pleased to find it empty and available. Smiling, he pulled a chair.

****

A steaming hot cup of lemon tea made way to his table.

“New phone?” piped the waiter.

“No, the same old one.” He replied on auto-pilot, his mind still on the calculus problem.

“Weird way to dress it up if you asked me… Heh heh!”

“Nope, I didn’t ask.”

“Well, enjoy your tea, then!” Saying thus, the waiter left him in peace.

A few moments later, it registered on him. He moved the cup of tea slightly to the left and there it was.

His first thought was that it was a headless doll. And then he realized that it wasn’t a Tarantino film. So he gingerly touched it. It didn’t move. He mustered up enough courage to pick it up.

And pick it up he did.

It was a sweatshirt all right; except, it was at least twenty sizes too small for anyone. For a brief moment he wondered if Tom Thumb and/or Thumbelina really existed. And the previous thought kicked him again. It wasn’t a Tarantino (or even a Kubrick, or a Greenaway) film.

The shiny zipper at the front demanded attention. And he tugged at it. At that moment he attained enlightenment(3).

The entire contraption was a holder for a cell phone. He was living in reality after all.

He sighed. What a disappointment. He made a mental note to watch less films.

No, strike that. Watch more films. At least, they are exciting, unlike reality and its representation in life.

While he was making notes to himself, the sweat-shirt began to shake as if possessed, and emanated weird sounds. The Tarantino-Kubrick-Greenaway connection had barely made its presence felt, when reality kicked in and brought him down crashing to terra-firma.

The phone was ringing. So much for imagination.

But now, he was in a dilemma.

If he were to answer the phone, he would be guilty of trespassing on someone’s private property. On the other hand, if he let it ring, it seemed likely that he would be verbally, even physically, abused in the next few minutes.

The spinal cord in cohorts with the medulla oblongata(2) does really weird things. From telling your heart when to beat, to snatching your hand away from a hot stove, it issues orders with the rapidity and precision of an army general.

It is still a matter of debate, whether it was the above medium or the brain that issued a command to hit the silent button, but the command was issued the same.

And then, the universe collapsed.

——
Footnotes:
1. Readers will kindly excuse the author’s affinity towards mathematics, pathetic jokes and any combination of the two.
2. Readers will also kindly pardon the author’s complete lack of any knowledge of biology. It wasn’t one of my favorite subjects, anyway.
3. Too many Zen Koans…

The Scarf – Part 1

May 19th, 2007 § 8 comments § permalink

“Would you like to repeat the order again, ma’am?”

The emphasis on ‘again’ was not lost on her. But she chose to ignore it. It wasn’t his fault, really. After all, how could anyone drink six cups of black coffee in a span of two hours?

“No, thanks. The cheque, please.”

A smile lit up on the waiter’s face. This one wasn’t plastic for sure. And he scurried to the cash counter.

She sighed and looked at her watch.

Two hours. Well, she’d done her part. Nobody could say she hadn’t tried. One can only do so much, right?

She took her cell-phone and checked for new messages. None. Missed calls? None, again. Well, so much for living in the communication era.
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