Hmm. Not quite the way to start. But does keep the reader guessing. Sure, let’s keep it. No wait, let’s modify that a little.

I have been terribly busy.

Yeah, give yourself that importance. You self-centered pompous freak!

I have been tied up with certain things that take most of my time.

Right. And the whole world is out fishing. C’mon!! The truth can’t be so bad.

I have been quite lazy these last few weeks. So lazy, I have found it difficult to do the one thing I love the most – write.

A tad too much, eh? What the heck. Let’s just give it to them plain and simple.

Being an RJ is like… like…

Now, where is a good simile when you want one??

…like practicing for a big game? Nah, too sporty!
…like shopping for matching shoes? Nope! Too shoppy!
…like trying to eat a vadapav and a burger? Nay, too sloppy…
…like eating and burping at the same time? Ewww, disgusting!!
…like wearing a Tie on a T-Shirt?? Huh?? WHAT??
…like playing Base-ket-ball

Yeah, that kinda fits.

Being an RJ is like playing Base-ket-ball. Too many rules, too few players, and no idea of who’s doing what. But somehow, at the end of a play, you gotta earn points. Brownie points. And I don’t even like Brownies.

Yeah, that’s a good start. Fits like a glove.

An RJ, depending on whether s/he’s on contract or payroll, puts in around 4-9 hours of work each day.

Scratch that. Sounds like an article for Radio & Music.

I start my day pretty late…

Scratch that, too.

I work hard for my show, and harder after it ends.

Better.

I work hard for my show. And even harder after it ends. Every moment I spend on air has to be crafted to perfection and embellished with the right amount of garnish and adequate spice, and yet, not leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Hey, this one beats the Base-ket-ball simile hands down.

And that leaves me little or no time to spend for myself.

Yeah, straight on!! No chance to block the jab. Just knock ‘em out!

Worse, it has now taken me more than a month to upload this post.

That’s right!! Make them feel sorry for you. Let them have pity on you. Not sympathy, P-I-T-Y, pity. Sympathy is for dogs and cats.

Makes you wonder, is it all worth?

Good! Sow the seed of doubt. Let them feel guilty for having pestered you.

Well yeah! RJ-ing is fun. You get to be a celebrity without having to worry about NOT having a private life. You see, nobody knows you. You are just another person, lost in the sea of humanity. Just another face.

Cute. A sneak peek into the life of a pseudo-celebrity. Pummel on!!

And when people do recognize you, it’s a different high altogether!

Okay, that’s enough. Stop gloating.

But, you do have to adhere to strict timings. You have to live by the minutes and the seconds. Those who have spent an entire life-time watching train time-tables like a hawk (read: Residents of a metropolitan suburbia) would understand this perspective.

The only difference – as I see it – there are no trains on the RJ-ing track. Only stations – Radio Stations.

Guess what, good similes do appear when you get into the groove!!

The schedules on these stations – Radio Stations – are tighter than the trains of Suburbia. There are no delays. Every thing has to – and does – run on time.

Beware of overkill.

So, adhering to such time-tables gets kinda hectic and tiresome, even if you have to do it religiously for only a short span – say, four hours a day.

Slip it in. Quietly. They will never know when this hits them.

Imagine having to watch a clock and a pressure gauge simultaneously, answer calls, make witty speeches, interact, watch out for treacherous software, pesky interruptions, listen to rants, pacify superiors, and yet keep a smile on your face.

That’s right. Rub it in.

Sounds like a regular day at the office, eh? Yeah, it does…

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! That is suicide!!

Now try doing all of the above when 20 lakh people are watching every move you make. Or rather, listening to every breath you take.

Brilliant!! I eat my words!!

Yeah, that’s what I do for a living. Fun, no?

Short, crisp and concise. Killer finish!! You will have them eating out of your hands!! You ARE a ROCKSTAR!!! Long live the King!!

*****

Yup! I have finally lost it.

And that’s an unintended pun.

The phone calls started flowing in and I tried to answer as many calls as possible, but I did eventually lose out on a lot of them.

Then the sales team entered, with Vikram at the helm.

They brought me out into the conference room, where a cake had been set up, oops sorry, a huge chocolate cake, with lots of icing, cherries, the works…

I already had a hunch where some of it would end up.

I attempted a small thank-you speech, but failed miserable. I was too dazed to attempt anything. And so, I turned my attention towards the cake…

The knife sliced through, and with one wary hand to stop (or at least pause him from transferring the cake from its rightful position on the table to a new location, viz., my face) But his hand seemed to have a mind of its own…

After I had fed the cake to my Prog Head Kanchan, I turned to find the cake in my face.

Not all of it, just a huge chunk of it.

It tasted yum

And smelt yum, too! Heh heh.
(Some of it slid down my nostrils. Hence the statement)

Revenge!! I ran after my Prog Head and Producer, to ‘hug’ them. Diabolical of me, no? Heh heh.

The rest of the day was mostly a barrage of phone calls, well wishers, and so forth. A listener actually came to the studio with another cake. I was almost over-whelmed.

Rosh, Kanchan, Shubhra, Smita, all the jocks, my alter-ego Romesh (who is actually looking over my shoulder as I type this - yeah, I am doing it to placate him…) this has been the best budday I have had till date!! Thanks a ton!!

All the thanks in the world wouldn’t express how much I actually mean them…

A silver jubilee year, with such a golden start. What more could I have asked for!!

Oh and almost forgot. Here’s the link to those fotus…

HAPPY BUDDAY TO ME!!

Time: All day event

PROLOGUE:
———–

After a barrage of phone calls from all those near and dear, I fnally managed to pick up my sorry ass, off the bed and take a shower. (To all those with the skeptical look: Yes indeed, I DID take a shower…)

I reached the office, and was promptly called in by Sameer (VP & Station Director, Radio Mirchi Pune) with a serious expression on his face. My Prog Head, Kanchan and all the other jocks were present there as well.

I sensed something was amiss. Sameer broke the silence.

“What is this guys? Where’s the quotient?”

“But Sameer - ”

“No ifs and buts!! This is not done! You’ve been told a thousand times, maybe more than that! And if you still can’t maintain the quotient, well, there’s something really wrong somewhere…”

Then he turned his guns on me…

“Shrikant, you especially, have had a bad quotient. You really need to work on it!”

What a start to the day. 24 revolutions around the sun, and the 25th has to begin like this. I was trying to check and verify the validity of his statements, when -

I did not see Kanchan tripping.

I did not see the rest of the jock team, attempting to hide their grins.

I did not see Sameer ‘trying’ to maintain a stoic face as he said this.

I did not see everybody trying hard to suppress the laughter that had bubbled up.

And then it burst forth.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

I was picked, kicked, congratulated, hugged, shoved, tickled, and all the jazz and razmatazz.

What a way to start my 25th birthday. Heh heh.

I wasn’t complaining. No way!

CHAPTER 1
———–

Roshan (my Producer, sweet woman ) and I planned the show for the day. It was World Blood Donation/Donors day, I interviewed a pan-shop vendor who had donated his blood 170+ times, the show was set.

With my writing pad in tow, I entered the studio, and got set for my show…

4:50 PM:
RJ Maanasi, the Total Filmy Jock, signs out…

4:56 PM
I set up my Sound effects and the songs to play, and get ready…

4:59 PM
The program credits begin…

5:00 PM
Before I begin to describe what happened, a brief introduction is required here:

I begin all my shows with a standard opening line:
“Punekar Mirchiwaale, zara ghadyaale kade laksha dya, paach waajun gelet kaay!”
[Read: "Punekar Mirchiwaale, do look at your watches, it's 5 PM, it's show time!"]

After this I usually launch into the topic of the day, describe it a wee bit, and ask the listeners a question. The show I host, is a games show called Bumper2Bumper. It has lots of contests and loads of fun-filled moments.

So I began,

“Punekar Mirchiwaale, - ”

That’s as far as I got.

After I had spoken those two words, the entire Programming team at Radio Mirchi Pune, barged into the studio, screaming, yelling, and basically making as much noise as they could.

And then, the entire city of Pune knew that it was my birthday.

To say that I was shocked or surprised is an understatement. I was dumbstruck, speechless, ecstatic, words-had-left-me, grinning-like-mad, euphoric, shaking, you name it.

Kanchan, Roshan, Safia, Shubhra, Mirchiman Aniruddha, Khubsoorat Smita, Aditi of Purani Jeans, Dr. Love, Neha, Maanasi, almost everybody was in the studio and wishing me…

That’s about all of it that I can remember, apart from being dazed.

After wishing me on air, the guys left and I began the show a little unsteady from the high that I had just recieved.

And then, the phone lines began ringing…

This was going to be one pleasantly long day.

“Hello, Radio Mirchi…”

(To be continued.)

A sneak peek at part 2:
Enter - the Sales team - a huge chocolate cake - a complete mess - funny pics - and a whale of a time…

It’s your duty to look out for them - or is it?”

- Written in a state of drunkenness, three beers and one large vodka down during the Mirchi Party. The writing is legible, although not one to win any awards anytime soon…

The Mirchi Party happened at Leather Lounge, M.G. Road on Wednesday the 7th. The Pune Office cleared all Sales targets, in fact overshot them. And so we celebrated. Mad music, madder dancing.

I can’t remember for the life of me, when or why I wrote the above. I found it in the morning in my pocket.

Oh, and by the way, this dude is now *officially* an RJ. Hmmm.

The fact is I have begun training as an RJ (That’s a Radio Jockey, folks,) at Radio Mirchi, Pune. And now, I have a new outlet for my silliness and idiocy! Poor Punekars, they don’t even know what hit them…

As a part of my training, I do a lot of things, with the details of which I shall not bore you right now. It might suffice to say that I do not yap as much as I would want to, but I have had a few lucky swipes at unlucky listeners.

I got to do the Cricket updates of the India v/s South Africa test match in Johannesburg, which was quite cool. A lot of Punekars, heard a stupid voice fumble, and fumble again until it got the score right. In my defense (which is pretty much non-existent) I can only say, the wickets were falling so fast…

But it was fun. The thrill of knowing that somewhere out there, there are people who are listening to you, somewhere out there, there’s someone who has switched off their TV set and is waiting eagerly for that sweet aural massage, that somewhere, someone eagerly awaits your voice… yeah, the mere thought of it is fun. And then you get out on the street and hear people saying things like:

“Who’s that idiot fuck who keeps fumbling silly things like a Cricket score?”

“Why the fuck are they announcing Cricket scores on a Radio Station?”

“Aren’t they supposed to, like, play music?”

“Cricket? Radio? Whoever does that these days?”

“Scores on the Radio? That’s so Ell-Ess…”

*Sigh* What can I say?

You should listen to some of the people that call a Radio station. Sometimes, they are plain weird. Other times they are *really* weird. I guess that’s just a part of being an On-Air jock.

This does not mean I’ll be turning into a jock anytime soon. But I think I’d like to do that someday. It’s a cool place and nobody tells me I talk too much, except the listeners of course… But, do I care? Naa-huh! Not me, no sirree!!

Oh well, I actually do…

This is your Jock-on-the-Rocks, Shrikant serving you delicious music on Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM, it’s hot!! Stay tuned!

How does that sound? Good, bad, ugly?

Google launched Spreadsheet on Tuesday and it was promptly covered. There’s a rumour about Picasa coming as a Web-based version soon. Anything Google releases is a matter of hot contention. It is not a question to ponder whether the interest in the product will be sustained or will die off the very next day itself. As long as it exists in the minds of the people, it will always bring in the hits.

You may call me a Google-basher, if you wish, but it still baffles me why Google should churn out these services at such a high rate. There are so many better things to do! Like, for example, they could actually be fine tuning their Search algorithm or re-inventing it.

Maybe they are already doing it and these things are simply to throw the hounds off the scent. Or maybe, they don’t have a clue where they should be headed now. Whichever it is, the big picture is really hard to see right now.

In the last year, since the advent of Gmail, AJAX and Web 2.0, Google has been building up a veritable repository of Apps, sorry, FREE apps for the *public*. What they did not create, they bought. And what they could not buy, they bought the competition and gave it away for free.

Again, the concept of Contextual Text-Ads worked fine, but then other players have now entered the Market and they are slowly eating up into the marketshare. Not that it is going to affect Google’s ‘economy’ much, but yet, it is something Google cannot ignore for long.

Let’s take a look at the facts:

1. Google has built up a large user-base based on one single product - Search.
2. Google has introduced various offerings into the Webosphere, definitely keeping up with the trends. Yet, there has been no visible innovation seen in the recent times.
3. Every new Google product or offering has one result assured - Love it or hate it, you can’t ignore it.
4. And lastly, each of the newer Google products is *loosely* integrated with the other ones.

Take a look at the last one again. There are no links from any of the Google apps to the others, save for the standard footer (which is ignored most of the time). Except for a few isolated examples (Maps and Calendar in Gmail) there have been very few instances of product integration. Why hasn’t Google integrated attachments with Writely and Google Video? Or with Google Base for that matter? Surely, it is not unimaginable? Why are they ignoring/neglecting/forgetting/overlooking/whatever such simple points? Or are they doing it deliberately?

One fine day, if they choose to bring all services (the old ones, the current and the new ones) under one umbrella, then this is what your typical day might look like:

7 AM. Wake up. Ready yourself for your daily work. Breakfast.
8 AM. Check Google Mail. Add client appointment(s) directly into Google Calendar. Check Google Traffic* for driving conditions and consult Google Maps for best route. Drive to Work.
9 AM. Reach Work. Open Gtalk. Your Calendar settings have been imported and all your appointments have been sent automatic reminder mails/notices about your meetings. Check your Gmail. Collaborate on Software Requirement Specifications and make changes with your colleague in Australia and save it immediately.
10 AM. Create a presentation for your Client meet using GPres* along with the same colleague in Australia. Simultaneously tabulate all the requisite data, draw up some quick formulae with the help of your colleague in Europe. Voila! Google Spreadsheet is ready with a cost estimate instantly!
11 PM. Client is online. (Need we mention free WiFi, here?) Hold a webmeeting with your client using Gtalk and conduct a video conference simultaneously. Close the deal and send a link to the already drawn up MoU and NDA along with the cost estimate that you just ruffled up with your colleague in Australia
1 PM. Open Google Search. Look for birthday Gifts for kids under ten years with a special interest in Pokemon. Find appropriate Gift. Pay using GMoney* and get it delivered instantly to your Office.
2 PM. Lunch Break
3 PM. Repeat steps 3 to 5
6 PM. Check your Gmail. Check for Google Calendar reminders/notices. Check Google Traffic* and Google Maps again. Drive home.

(*Coming Soon to a Browser near you. Please submit your eMail address for a special beta preview invite.)

The keen reader may observe that I have touched upon barely a few of the current offerings of Google. I have merely implied the potential what Google could capture with its current offerings. Whay are they holding back then? Is it to be a surprise attack, a Blitz-Krieg of some kind? If suddenly Google chooses to generate revenue out of all the (currently) free services

Google is building isolated chunk of applications. For us, they seem like unseemly, strange shapes. But they might well turn out to be smaller pieces of a mastermind Jigsaw puzzle. Google could well be on its way to building the only competition to, and yet not compete against Micro$oft.

Confused? Picture this: The Google WebOS and the Google Office.

The world is moving towards the virtual. Google might well stand to gain from this movement. At the same time as Google builds a monopoly on the Web, Microsoft keeps its monopoly on the Desktop. This might sound like a random conspiracy theory, but it is supported by hard facts.

Note that Google has not pushed any independent standards with any of its Applications. Writely supports .doc format as well as other formats. Spreadsheet claims “Familiar desktop feel” and that you can “Upload spreadsheets or worksheets from CSV or XLS format - all your formulas and formatting will come across intact.”

Wouldn’t a company seeking to remove M$ out of the competition promote other standards so that they could force the users out of the habit?

Consider this: Of late, there have not been any major innovations and releases in Google desktop paraphernelia. Those that are released have a distinct web connotation, for instance, GDS 4. In the other corner. M$ seems to have slowed down its work on the web front. Ray Ozzie and his Live clipboard are being handled by tech enthusiasts, who realize the implications of the tool. But the man himself, (Ray) seems to have faded somewhere into the horizon. The first impression of this is each of them is sticking to known battlegrounds.

And if they continue to do so, is it not a precursor of the things to follow? Is it really a random conspiracy theory, then?

Technorati Tags: google, microsoft, conjecture, theory

The Hindu quotes:

Union Minister for Science, Technology and Ocean Development Kapil
Sibal on Monday launched the Natural Disaster Information System
(NDIS), a first of its kind pilot project aimed at alerting people
about any impending natural disaster.

This project is currently under private-public partnership by the Technology Development Council (TDC) and Bangalore-based Geneva Software Technologies.

The NDIS will communicate alerts over mobile fones and specially setup Wireless PA systems in - get a load of this - less than ONE minute…

Now, if only these people had the good sense to bring something like this into action a little earlier - like a few years. But, I guess, what they say is right, better late than never.

Rest in peace, folks. Be assured, that if this pilot kicks off and kicks off well, your kids and grandkids won’t have to see the days you had to… Our deepest and fondest thoughts are with you. R.I.P

Note to self:
Keep your cellfone full of juice and dough. I wouldn’t want to miss a call like that one anyday.

Thanx Dina!! via 14donline.net

Technorati Tags: NDIS, India, Disaster, pilot, alerts

These issues affect the ‘ExtCreateRegion’ and ‘ExtEscape’ functions.

This must have something to do with the recent CERT reports
on how Microsoft Windows was less vulnerable that Linux/Unix. The world’s most widely used OS was recently certified by CERT as having lesser vulnerabilities than Linux.

Experts and Linux-lovers from around the world engaged in hot debates on the topic with opinions ranging from how results were rigged to miscategorisation claims (this one by RedHat) to crying unfair.

And now, barely five days after the report was published, two more flaws in the same engine are discovered. Seems like someone was waiting to do it… Well, they do say, revenge is a dish best served cold…

As for the exploit-fears, the solution and advice is the same:

• Do not open images from untrusted sources
• Keep your mail image setting to high security, i.e. edit your mail options to “Do not display HTML Graphics.” Follow this, especially if you are using a web-based email client.
• Keep your system updated with the latest patches from Microsoft.
• Keep an eye out for updates from this site. His name is Ilfak Guilanov and he is one of the good guys.
• Get generic WMF vulnerability news.
  http://news.google.com/news?q=WMF+vulnerability

Seriously though, on a positive note, the more vulnerabilities are found, the better it will be. The optimist says, we are on a way to a better and secure system. This, as long as, the competition remains healthy. Once it disintegrates into a bloodbath, well….

Of course, Redmond must act fast, something it has been known not to do. Billy boy, are ya listenin’?

(via PCMAG: New Batch of WMF Flaws Flagged )

Technorati Tags: WMF, vulnerability, exploit, security, ShrikantJoshi, CorporateSpices
]]> http://42quirks.com/2006/01/10/wmf-again-wtf/feed/ http://42quirks.com/2006/01/05/the-anti-microsoft-war/ http://42quirks.com/2006/01/05/the-anti-microsoft-war/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2006 17:48:00 +0000 Shrikant Joshi http://42quirks.com/?p=14 On New Year’s eve, Zhao Jing a.k.a Michael Anti, an out-spoken Chinese Journalist found his blog taken down. Note the words “TAKEN DOWN”. Not censored, not blocked, but TAKEN DOWN.Rebecca’s post dated 3rd of January, brought Microsoft’s high-handedness to the notice of the world. Rebecca MacKinnon, co-founder of Global Voices Online, and a research fellow at Berkman Center for Internet and Society, quotes:

“Anti is one of China’s edgiest journalistic bloggers, often pushing at the boundaries of what is acceptable”

And it does not end here. MSN Spaces continues to support the communist Government of China (the Peoples Republic?) to censor anti-China blogs.

Rebecca had already found MSN Spaces censoring controversial titles. Words like “Falun Gong”, “Tibet Independence” received error messages saying the language was forbidden. Huh? However, a post containing inane words in the title and the controversial words in the body was accepted but was taken down within three days of its publishing. This proved that there was a human editor behind the systematic search-and-destroy operation.

It was soon taken up by Robert Scoble of Microsoft who invited the wronged Chinese journalist to setup a guest blog on his personal. Among all this, it was heartening to see Robert Scoble of Microsoft stand by Rebecca . Scoble extended an invitation to Anti to blog on HIS site as a guest. It will be interesting to see what happens to Scoble’s blog if Anti does accept the invitation.

An update on Scoble’s blog states that MSN Spaces has woken up to the blogosphere’s outcry and is looking into this.

What is worrying is the arrogance shown by MSN Spaces. A blog was taken down simply because the Chinese Government would be offended. Words blocked because they are controversial. By blocking Anti’s blogs MSN Spaces has made a big mistake. The repercussions of this are sure to be heard far and wide…

But I sincerely doubt whether anything is gonna happen. The topic has already begun to die off. The blogosphere memory is short and restricted to the comments per post. As soon as a new post crops up the older one is forgotten. And along with it go all the sentiments and the outcry.

Here’s what I think will happen (in chronological order):

Day 1-5: The blogosphere will make a noise about the tyranny of Microsoft and MSN Spaces. Bloggers will make a hue and cry about Microsoft’s high-handedness.

Day 3-7: Some hopeful posts (like this one) will try and garner people to their blogs with the expectation of making it big in the Blogosphere.

Day 7-9: Discussions on the necessity of free speech in the Blogosphere will crop up. People will cook up stories on how Microsoft tried to censor their blogs.

Day 9-11: Another anagram/MS Easter Egg/whatever linking Bill Gates/Microsoft to the Devil will be found.

Day 12: Steve Rubel will post a funny incident involving a cat, a rabbit and his keyboard with pictures. It will soon be the most tagged item on del.icio.us, Flickr, Technorati and will rise to rankings for the keyword “bizarre”

Get the picture?

You can read more about the vulnerability on Ilfak’s site or download the patch. The patch provided by him is on an AS-IS basis and unofficial. Yet, SANS security center advises that the patch be downloaded and installed on every Windows machine.

Note: The Sans guys have reverse engineered the patch and found it to be effective. Yet, install the same at your own discretion. Me, I have installed it. You?

Read more at www.hexblog.com/2006/01… ]]> http://42quirks.com/2006/01/03/hex-blog-wmf-vulnerability-checker/feed/