And that’s an unintended pun.

The phone calls started flowing in and I tried to answer as many calls as possible, but I did eventually lose out on a lot of them.

Then the sales team entered, with Vikram at the helm.

They brought me out into the conference room, where a cake had been set up, oops sorry, a huge chocolate cake, with lots of icing, cherries, the works…

I already had a hunch where some of it would end up.

I attempted a small thank-you speech, but failed miserable. I was too dazed to attempt anything. And so, I turned my attention towards the cake…

The knife sliced through, and with one wary hand to stop (or at least pause him from transferring the cake from its rightful position on the table to a new location, viz., my face) But his hand seemed to have a mind of its own…

After I had fed the cake to my Prog Head Kanchan, I turned to find the cake in my face.

Not all of it, just a huge chunk of it.

It tasted yum

And smelt yum, too! Heh heh.
(Some of it slid down my nostrils. Hence the statement)

Revenge!! I ran after my Prog Head and Producer, to ‘hug’ them. Diabolical of me, no? Heh heh.

The rest of the day was mostly a barrage of phone calls, well wishers, and so forth. A listener actually came to the studio with another cake. I was almost over-whelmed.

Rosh, Kanchan, Shubhra, Smita, all the jocks, my alter-ego Romesh (who is actually looking over my shoulder as I type this - yeah, I am doing it to placate him…) this has been the best budday I have had till date!! Thanks a ton!!

All the thanks in the world wouldn’t express how much I actually mean them…

A silver jubilee year, with such a golden start. What more could I have asked for!!

Oh and almost forgot. Here’s the link to those fotus…

HAPPY BUDDAY TO ME!!

Time: All day event

PROLOGUE:
———–

After a barrage of phone calls from all those near and dear, I fnally managed to pick up my sorry ass, off the bed and take a shower. (To all those with the skeptical look: Yes indeed, I DID take a shower…)

I reached the office, and was promptly called in by Sameer (VP & Station Director, Radio Mirchi Pune) with a serious expression on his face. My Prog Head, Kanchan and all the other jocks were present there as well.

I sensed something was amiss. Sameer broke the silence.

“What is this guys? Where’s the quotient?”

“But Sameer - ”

“No ifs and buts!! This is not done! You’ve been told a thousand times, maybe more than that! And if you still can’t maintain the quotient, well, there’s something really wrong somewhere…”

Then he turned his guns on me…

“Shrikant, you especially, have had a bad quotient. You really need to work on it!”

What a start to the day. 24 revolutions around the sun, and the 25th has to begin like this. I was trying to check and verify the validity of his statements, when -

I did not see Kanchan tripping.

I did not see the rest of the jock team, attempting to hide their grins.

I did not see Sameer ‘trying’ to maintain a stoic face as he said this.

I did not see everybody trying hard to suppress the laughter that had bubbled up.

And then it burst forth.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

I was picked, kicked, congratulated, hugged, shoved, tickled, and all the jazz and razmatazz.

What a way to start my 25th birthday. Heh heh.

I wasn’t complaining. No way!

CHAPTER 1
———–

Roshan (my Producer, sweet woman ) and I planned the show for the day. It was World Blood Donation/Donors day, I interviewed a pan-shop vendor who had donated his blood 170+ times, the show was set.

With my writing pad in tow, I entered the studio, and got set for my show…

4:50 PM:
RJ Maanasi, the Total Filmy Jock, signs out…

4:56 PM
I set up my Sound effects and the songs to play, and get ready…

4:59 PM
The program credits begin…

5:00 PM
Before I begin to describe what happened, a brief introduction is required here:

I begin all my shows with a standard opening line:
“Punekar Mirchiwaale, zara ghadyaale kade laksha dya, paach waajun gelet kaay!”
[Read: "Punekar Mirchiwaale, do look at your watches, it's 5 PM, it's show time!"]

After this I usually launch into the topic of the day, describe it a wee bit, and ask the listeners a question. The show I host, is a games show called Bumper2Bumper. It has lots of contests and loads of fun-filled moments.

So I began,

“Punekar Mirchiwaale, - ”

That’s as far as I got.

After I had spoken those two words, the entire Programming team at Radio Mirchi Pune, barged into the studio, screaming, yelling, and basically making as much noise as they could.

And then, the entire city of Pune knew that it was my birthday.

To say that I was shocked or surprised is an understatement. I was dumbstruck, speechless, ecstatic, words-had-left-me, grinning-like-mad, euphoric, shaking, you name it.

Kanchan, Roshan, Safia, Shubhra, Mirchiman Aniruddha, Khubsoorat Smita, Aditi of Purani Jeans, Dr. Love, Neha, Maanasi, almost everybody was in the studio and wishing me…

That’s about all of it that I can remember, apart from being dazed.

After wishing me on air, the guys left and I began the show a little unsteady from the high that I had just recieved.

And then, the phone lines began ringing…

This was going to be one pleasantly long day.

“Hello, Radio Mirchi…”

(To be continued.)

A sneak peek at part 2:
Enter - the Sales team - a huge chocolate cake - a complete mess - funny pics - and a whale of a time…

At Mudra Institute of Communication, Ahmedabad (MICA) to be precise.

A total batch of about 30 RJs from different stations of Radio Mirchi across the country ( both existing and upcoming) is here to get their basics brushed up, and to learn newer things about the world of Radio Communciation.

For the next 15 days, I will be infrequent with my updates, and comments. I apologize in advance. *ducks*

I am already going crazy with my Sony DSC W-7, and behaving like a perfect tourist. Will post details of my Ahmedabad trip and the corresponding pics soon.

Until then, please excuse the delays and kindly adjust.

Three days in Goa did exactly that to us… Aaah!

Have uploaded a few pics on Flickr and Picasa Web. Click on the links to check them out.

Do let me know what you think.

More coming up later in the day. Especially a few thoughts on the difference between Tagging and Categorizing that I wanted to pen for a long time.

Hmmm, so I am wondering now, whether I should or shouldn’t tell you about my 3-day trip to Goa.

Should I tell you that we were camped at the Colva beach? Should I tell you about the babes on the beache? Should I tell you about the amazing Goan Fish Curry and Chicken Xacuti? Should I tell you about the complete inactivity that we had chosen as the only task for three days?

Should I tell you about the relaxation, which incidentally was better than any spa?

Maybe I shouldn’t tell you about any of this, if only to spite you. May be I shouldn’t even upload the loads and loads of pics.

You think I am kidding? Nope, I am not. Wait till I upload the pics to prove it.

Goa was fun. Three days of complete relaxation, rest and unwind. More details & pics coming soon.

*****

On a side note, this bugger met the woman of *my* dreams. What kind of a justice is that?

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. C’est la vie and all that jazz…

It couldn’t be…I said to myself…It just couldn’t be… her.

While I was standing there, contemplating which of the two results - me going and speaking with her or me ignoring her after having seen her - would be more disastrous, I saw her walking towards me. So the decision was made. The next step was to think about things we had in common so that I could start up a chat and, if lucky enough,sustain it… And it was then that I rememberd our first conversation…

*******

Everyone in the school had the hots for her. I was merely a number in a long line of aspirants for her courtesy… That was when it has happened. As I was coming out of the maths class contemplating on an integral problem, that I thought the professor got all wrong, I saw her standing in front of me.Actually I noticed it seconds before we collided. The collision being averted only because she screamed…. “HI!!!”

Puzzled I looked first straight into her eyes, and then behind me and then started to walk on, afraid I would reveal my weakness if I stood there any longer. She immediately turned and said…”Hey, That’s no way to treat a woman! Where your courtesy?”

I stopped dead in my tracks.

“That’s no way a woman, who expects to be treated well, must behave. Don’t you think so?”

I cursed myself. She smiled. Good, so she hadn’t taken offence. I’d have to be more careful next time. And we stood just like that. There was a moment of awkward silence between us. She chose to break it before I could venture to do the same.

“So, aren’t you gonna ask me out for coffee or something?”

“Is it a part of the bargain?”

“If you meant the privilege of speaking to me, I’d say yes to that!” and she laughed. It was a carefree laugh. So we want to play the intellectual tug-o-war, do we? Well I am game…

“No,what I actually meant was the privilege of getting totalktome. I don’t talk to strangers. Especially not to ones, who think they are a privilege. Thank you and have a nice day.” I started to move toward the cafeteria,where I had to solve other (less) important problems over a cup of coffee…I managed to sneak a glance at the goddess, She was…well…dumb-struck…

*******

I sat poring over the integral-snakes that my professor had assigned me. It couln’t be. I could not go wrong with the problem. The solutions had to match. Either the printed solutions were wrong or… NO it had to be the printed solutions.

“It’s the third step in your problem.Change the minus to a plus. The rest of it looks pretty okay…”

So she still hadn’t given up. Hmmm. I was dealing with a perseverant phenomenon here.

“Thank you,” I said politely.

“You’re welcome, you now officially owe me a coffee.”

I had to admire her persistence. My long buried skills were returning. Good.

“So do you always charge for your unwanted assistance?”

“No,most of the timepeople get it for free…”

“And, Something tells me I ain’t getting this for free, right?”

“I charge only those who can pay me back.”

“Let me tell you I don’t pay for unwanted assistance. I accept it as complementary.”

“I never said I was gonna charge you…”

“What, then, was the coffee for?”

“To start this conversation…”

Game One. Round One. Goddess.

“OK.So you won. What is it that you want of me?”

“Hey, Was that easy or what!! Fromwhat I was told about you, I think you oughtta have done better that that…”

“And what were you ‘told’,pray?”

“Nothing, I had to sustain the conversation, somehow…”

“And why did you want to do that?”

“Because I like having sensible talks.”

‘I am afraid you have chosen the wrong person to do so. I am neither sensible nor do I talk.”

“You know, It is so difficult to find someone who can talk sensible?”

“I know. And I have been disappointed many times.I donot wish to be disappointed again.”

“Ahhh…Ze competitive streak eez returning M’sieur?”

Game two. Round One. Goddess.

Man, does she know how to deflate or what!!

“Ok,back to the point. Why do you want to sustain a conversation with me?”

“I hate having conversations that last for less than five seconds after which you are in a tearing hurry to rip off - either your clothes or your feet - from the spot. Those are for sluts and their customers. I believe you are not from the same class of people…”

“And how do you assume that?”

“Because I am not…”

“Is that a public statement or a personal belief?”

“What do you think?”

“Why does it matter to you what I think of it?”

“It should, shouldn’t it, I mean a mirror must reflect the feelings of the person looking into it?”

“What makes you think I am your mirror?”

“Because you are asking me exactly the same question I am asking myself this moment…”

I stood there looking at a person I had always believed existed somewhere on the face of this earth and who, secretly, I hoped I would never meet. But I had met that person and that was that. She seemed to have read the thoughts in my mind as she gave out a tinkling laugh.

*******

My thoughts were yanked back to the present by the tinkling laugh. I smiled at her and asked.

“Do you still play those games?”

“I still do play games. Not the same ones,although. I have grown up now. Haven’t you?”

Somethings never change, do they?

“If you were to live different lives everyday,you would love to be Humphrey Bogart one day and Arnold Schwarzenegger the next, and that would be definitely great.The only problem is you wouldn’t have a day to live by yourself.”
- Born Stinger.

Not to be put off by such a deterrent, my date asked me back, “Why, men don’t cry?”

So she wanted a war of wits… I was game, but I admit, I had to go on a back foot…

“They do, but not as much as women… Women have the tendency to cry for anything and everything, as if their tear glands were constructed for that very purpose!! Why, you would cry even if you saw a puppy injured in the middle of the road!!”

” Yes we would! Because we care. We care more than any living being on this earth! And that is why we feel compassion for those poor little creatures. After all we are not heartless like you men… All you guys can think of is sex and nothing but sex…”

I saw that this conversation was treading into dangerous areas. Had it been any other person I would have launched into a barrage of points and defenses and offenses and so on and so forth… But this being a date I had to show resilence and patience ( a quality I rarely show except when called for, which is most of the times usually!) And so I said…

“Fine…fine!! Shall I order for you or would you want to do it yourself?” Amazingly, as an excellent example of the invisible male bonding that does exist, the waiter seemed to sense the tense nature of the moment and came over to ask, “What will it be sir? The usual?”

Funnily, I had never been in that hotel more than twice and every time I had been there I had ordered something different. I wondered what the hell he meant by the usual… And then when I saw the admiring glance on my beau’s face, I decided to play the game and said, “Yes please, the usual for me and for madame…” I left the words hanging in mid-air so as to indicate that she would be ordering for herself. Taking the cue he turned to her and took the lead, ” May I recommend the very excellent, ____________, our chef’s speciality, I am told he makes it excellently. Would you like to try it out?”

Women have this something (which is so stupid according to me), which forbids them from thinking rationally in times of grave danger. As if, not wanting to be outdone, not wanting to show she had no idea of what the damned waiter was tallking about, she said, “Oh that? I thought you didn’t serve it here!! Well go ahead, and tell him to make it a little spicy.”

The waiter looked at her as if to say ‘That preparation has no spice at all’ when I said, “Could you make it a little fast please? I am running a little short of time, I have a meeting to catch up with.” He gave me a look, the one which conveys I-am-sorry-you-got-stuck-with-such-a-dumb-bitch’ kind of and proceeded to do his job.

As soon as he had left I pulled out my cigarette case in style and flicked it open, pulled a ciggy out and lit it. One look at my date and I was about to go in splits… She had a horrified look on her face which seemed to say, “What the F@^K are you doing!!” I turned to her and said, “Hey doll, Relax!! This is a smoking section. Take a look around!”

She leant over. I thought she was gonna kiss me, so I did the same. She yanked the cigarette out of my fingers and stubbed it out.

“The next time you do that I am never gonna eat out with you again..”

“Hey doll, I didn’t know you hated smoking!!”

” Oh!! So I was arguing with you a couple of moments ago just for the sake of it? Huh??”

“That? I thought that was just to tease my brain cells?”

“Tease? You’re probably gonna fry them with this thing”

“Aw c’mon!! What’s it with you women! Can’t a guy guy even smoke in peace? Do I have to carry one of those ‘Do not disturb’ things round my neck?”

“Yeah!! And if you keep up with it, you’re probably gonna end up with one of those ‘Rest in Peace’ signs around you..”

Then I saw something glisten in her eyes that explained why guys smoke and why women cry..

A tear slipped out of her left eye and slid down her cheek…

“She left me, you heard?”

“Yeah! I heard that from ________ [names not written to protect me from them]. What happened?”

“Beats me! Everything was so hunky-dory until a couple of days ago. We even went for a movie, “The Matrix: Reloaded”. Shen was absolutely normal then. Apart from the fact that she didn’t care two hoots for the movie and was constantly chattering about how we don’t give time to each other and other blah-blahs, she didn’t seem to be in a breaking-off mood. Wonder why she did it? I still don’t understand…Why is your face contorted like that?”

How was I supposed to tell him that he was a complete idiot and he should have listened to her blah-blahs? Anyways, mustering courage, I decided to say it out but instead I found myself saying,

“Didn’t you hear what she was saying? At least didn’t you want to hear?”

“Are you crazy asking me something like that?”

That’s better, I thought, at least this guy had the sense to hear his girl out. I began singing praises for his good listening capabilities in my mind, but not a moment too soon…

“Morpheus was delivering his famous Xyon speech… there was so much of philosophy he was speaking, much of it quite like Swami Vivekananda’s. How could I not listen to that and listen to this…this…this bitch?”

The last few words seemed to drop out of his mouth like glue from a bottle. I stood aghast (Was it because I was waiting to hear more or was it because I went blank and was in a dilemma whether to shoot and kill him or just strangulate him? Frankly, I don’t know. You tell me.)

“She called me up yesterday night and said she had something important to talk to me about. I thought she must be ready to apologise for all her talking during the movie. So I told her to meet me in the college during lunch. She agreed. When she finally came half an hour late, she didn’t even apologise, neither for the movie nor for being late.Imagine her nerve, the… the… bitch!! She just said, ‘That’s it. I have had it with you. This is the end of our relationship. I am not going to see your face even if you are the last man alive on this earth. I’d prefer to consume poison and die before I have to see that shit-face of yours again… Good-bye and God help your girlfriend and/or wife, if you are lucky enough to find one!!’ And she just walked off leaving me in this mess…”

“She said that to you?”

“Yeah!! Each and every word of it…”

“Aw C’mon now!! She must have just said something in anger and you must have heard something else. She probably can’t…”

“No, she did!! I taped her voice.I can show you the tape if you wish…”

“You… what?” I almost yelled. Or may be I did yell because I saw the other students on the steps turn sharply and look at me. I gritted my teeth and said it again, this time softer, “You… what?”

“I said, I can show you the tape anytime you wish. Wanna hear it now?”

“Not that, you sick jerk!! You taped her voice and she said nothing?”

“Are you crazy man? How can that happen? She doesn’t even know I did that. Actually, I have taped all of our conversations. I love to hear her sweet voice when she isn’t around. My uncle got me one of these digital voice-activated recorders from America. It can store upto 90 mins of voice conversations and it doesn’t get activated by background noises…”

“Stop the f****kin promo, you ass****. Do you know what will happen if she gets to know about this? Who else knows about this?”

“Oh!! Everyone knows that we have broken up, though I am not sure if everyone knew we were going around… Or may be they knew that and they don’t know this… whatever. As of now, I can tell you that only I, you and _________ & _________ &….(he took a ‘few’ more names) know about our break-up for sure.What’s the matter? You look like you are gonna throw up… Need any thing?

I was about to tell him that I was gonna puke all over his Nikes, and I sure as hell would have liked to do that, but self-respect and a sense of social responsibility, stopped me from doing it. Instead, I resigned to fate and his incompetency and asked him calmly,

“Does anyone know about the tapes?”, I was about to add ‘you filthy-sick jerk’ but better sense prevailed (Damn!!). I futher asked, “Do you have any idea why she left you?”

“No is the answer to both your questions. Only a selected few know about the tapes. I was actually planning to gift them to her on her 18th birthday. But then, this came up…”

“Trriiiinnnngg” went the lecture bell. And he stood up abruptly.

“Where are you going?” I asked, knowing the answer very well.

“I need an answer. She has behaved absolutely irrationally. She can’t leave me just like that. The ought to be a valid reason. She has to give me a valid reason. I am not going to let her off so easily. I am not any roadside Romeo who troubles her. I was her….er…I mean… I am her boyfriend for god’s sake! She is answerable to me…Hey you!! _______, wait up!! We need to talk!!”

Calling out her name, he ran off through the corridor, darting like an arrow headed for its ultimate goal - the bulls-eye. I stood up in a daze, wondering whether to believe it or to convince myself that it was a bad dream, nay, a nightmare. I shook my head to clear off the evil thoughts and decided that it would be better if I had another cutting chai before I started off any where.

As I started down the steps and made my way towards the Tea-stall, I thought time stopped still and I thought I heard a distinct crack, like that of someone being slapped…..

Oh well!! I wasn’t dreaming after all….

“Expecting someone?”

“Yeah, about time they arrived…”

“Oh! So expecting some people, I should say, not just one, eh!!”

“C’mon man! For once improve your PJ’s, if not, for a day atleast!!”

“Why? Is the girl’s family coming to see you or something?”

To that he turned a flushed beet red!! I was surprised, for I hadn’t seen him go that red before! I couldn’t believe it. I wondered whether it was out of anger or it was the shying of a typical to-be-wedded-indian-groom… Anyways, he quickly regained his composure and before I could pass further comments, he disappeared into his house, making some lame excuse.

I was tired too, exhausted in fact, after a long day’s work… So I entered my house making a minimum fuss… As I freshened up, ate dinner and sat down on my PC to write my day’s Blog, I thought I heard noises outside (Well, they were actually sounds, politically speaking. But had you heard them, you would have agreed with me that they were fit to be called noises!!). Withot a moment’s hesitation, armed to the hilt with, well, a cricket bat, and a slipper, I opened the door as noiselessly as I could. But, it being, ‘Ye olde faithful’, creaked at the last moment, and I had to open it with a full swerving action. Voila! There I stood with a cricket bat in my one hand and a slipper in the other, with the strings of my PJ’s dangling loose and nothing but my birthday suit on the upper half of my body!! Quite a funny sight to behold, you may be tempted to think, but it certainly wasn’t funny for me, when I saw the crowd that had gathered in front of his house. Half scared out-of-my-wits and the other half scared-to-death, I tried to use whatever thinking capacity I could muster. Fortune favours the brave, they say. Maybe, I wasn’t brave enough or I was so brave that I scared even fortune away!
Anyways, there I was in that comical state with nearly 20-odd people staring at me, as if I were either a mad man or an entertainer (can’t call them clowns anymore, gotta be ‘politically’ correct, you know!) and nobody knew what I exactly was. Sensing that I was in some grave misconception, my friend (Ah! My Hero!) came up to me calmly and spoke the sweetest words I’d ever heard from him till then:

“What the f*** do u think you are doing?”

“Oh!! I…. I was …er…. I was …..doing…..the cricket…. Hawaii…. no….. I mean the Hawaiian cricket …..dance. Yea that’s it!! I was doing the Hawaiian Cricket dance. Just saw it on Discovery. You wanna see it?”

Shoving me aside to a corner where the members of the ‘audience’ couldn’t see me (I thought I heard them heave a sigh (of relief maybe) and at the same time I heard murmurs, or so I think), he said, “Look here. These people have just arrived. They have done a long trip from the States to here and they are exhausted by the jet-lag. and blah…blah…blah…blah…blah…blah…blah…blah…(The blah…blahs are because I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It seemed so sweet to the ears, no swear words, just plain ole’ English)…blah…blah…blah…blah… blah…blah…clear the F*** off?” Those 3 words jolted me back to reality.

I mocked up a pretty decent military pose and yell so loud I think I shattered his ear-drums (so much for consolation!!):

“Sir!! Yes Sir!!”

And off i went stamping my feet into virtually non-existent marching field, into my house, locking the door behind me. Once in, when I finally comprehended the situation, I started laughing. I laughed so hard, I went into splits and tears came into my eyes. It wasn’t the girl’s family after all, that he was expecting! It was his own Mom and Dad who had been to the States on a vacation for the first time in their lives! And he had arranged the rest of the family to meet them for a “Grand Welcome”.

Well, they got a “Grand Welcome” all right, the grandest they could ever get!!