There’s nothing to tell. No direct or proximate cause. You just wake up one day and you aren’t a part of your life. You know this. Your life doesn’t belong to you. Your body is not, I don’t know how to make you feel the force of this, yours. There’s just life, living itself. You don’t have it. You don’t have anything to do with it. That’s all. It doesn’t sound like much, but believe me. It’s like when you hypnotize someone and persuade them there’s a big pile of mattresses outside their window. They no longer see a reason not to jump.
– Quoted by Kryzstof “Dubdub” Waterford-Wajda in “Fury“, by Salman Rushdie.
I no longer see a reason not to jump. And I haven’t even been hypnotized yet. No, not even self-hypnosis. What’s more, I even know for a fact that there are NO matressess outside my window. Yet, I no longer see a reason not to jump.
I read -no, make that devour- books or listen to music to pass my time. I drink insane amounts of coffee, and spend crazy money clogging up my system with carcinogenic substances.
I have a great job and a fantastic boss, and extremely supportive co-workers. I have great friends who are pursuing knowledgeable pursuits.
I talk to people who know what they are doing, who are masters in what they do. I learn from them, more than I ever learnt at the University, more than I could ever expect to learn. Heck, pretty soon I am gonna even become one of those people.
Yet, I feel incomplete, somehow.
There’s nothing to tell. No direct or proximate cause. I just woke up to-day and I ain’t a part of my life. I know this. My life does not belong to me. My body is not -I don’t know how to make you feel the force of this- mine. There’s just life, living itself. I don’t have it. I don’t have anything to do with it. That’s all. It doesn’t sound like much, but believe me. It’s like you hypnotized me and persuaded me there’s a big pile of mattresses outside my window. I no longer see a reason not to jump.
Should I jump?
(Not to be taken seriously)
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December 4th, 2006 at 5:44 am
I hate to break this to you young man, but you jump every day of your life. Have been jumping, and will continue doing so. No hypnotising required, at all.
There’s little security, and there’s only some knowledege, and yet we take leaps of faith each day, what do you call them? Not jumpy enough?
The para you’ve quoted is beautifully done. I’ve felt like that too, sometimes. Like your just - there. It’s a funny feeling, but I feel better shrugging it of, for the sake of my sanity and yours.
Satisfaction, is something I don’t want to feel till I’m at least 65 years of age. If you were satisfied with yourself today, what’d you do with the rest of your life!!
Have a great day!
Yours forever sthupitly.
December 4th, 2006 at 11:54 am
Aha…welcome to the realisation
but seriously speaking, your life is always in your hands or atleast i feel it that way….not that i am denying that feeling.
its just that when you feel something like that, it usually is time to sit back and reflect on what it is exactly that makes you feel like that.
as they say : the problem is half of the answer…so enjoy
December 4th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
jump by all means; only, ensure that u jump into the room, not out of it.
the temption to escape can be very intense, especially when standing at the window. but when one turns around, theres always something in the room that needs attention. and then ofcourse, whether to give it that attention or not, is a choice that needs to be made.
December 4th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
Fellas,
Relax. I ain’t jumping out of windows. Nor am I jumping into the room. Point is I ain’t jumpin anywhere.
For some strange reason, my brain went into overdrive yesterday and the result is splattered on my blog for all of you to see.
@Pree:
Sometimes, some things are just there, but you notice them only when they are pointed out. This para did exactly the same to me.
@Nav:
What do you think happens to birds who soar in the sky? They eventually find a formation to fly in, if only for a few moments, don’t they? Hence, there’s only one Jonathon Livingston Seagull. Guess it’s time for me to become one, eh?
@Maitrai:
Thanks for the concern. You just reminded me that my room needs cleaning. Something that I have avoided for the last few months. But like all chores, this one has caught up on me..
Satisfaction? Me? Naaaah!!
Cheerio!
Shrikant
PS: I am glad I did not upload the other two posts that I wrote. You guys would have had me committed to an asylum for sure, if you’d read those… Dark is not the word… Someday, maybe.
December 5th, 2006 at 6:07 am
to recapitulate…somebody who till recently ran an anonymous blog was of the idea that all that is written in a post is declarative about the state of mind.
well deja vu my friend.
yeah you could be jonathan l. seagull or you could be one of the million of those who fly around with the singular aim of finding their next food source…so take care and enjoy the change